In the Daily Standard, P.J. ORourke offers 16 pointsthat he would like to see Bush make in the next debate. Here are a few highlights:
(2) There are two organizations pushing for change in November--al Qaeda and the Democratic party. And they both have the same message: "Were going to fix you, America." On the whole, the terrorists have a more straightforward plan for fixing things. Theyre going to blow themselves up. Although, come to think of it, Howard Dean did that. * * *
(8) No, it turns out Saddam Hussein didnt have weapons of mass destruction. And how crazy does that make Saddam? All he had to do was tell Hans Blix, "Look anywhere you want. Look under the bed. Look beneath the couch. Look behind the toilet tank in the third presidential palace on the left, but keep your mitts off my copies of Maxim." * * *
(14) Let me tell you something, Senator Kerry. I dont blame the U.N. for not supporting me in Iraq. The world is full of loathsome governments run by criminals, thugs, and beasts. When I mentioned "regime-change," hairy little ears pricked up all over the earth. Beads of sweat broke out on low, sloping brows. Blood-stained, grasping hands began to tremble. I had to put poor Colin Powell on the phone to various hyenas in high office and have him explain that America itself needed regime-change from 1992 to 2000. And we didnt bomb the fellow responsible, and we only impeached him a little. Secretary Powell had to tell Kim Jung Il, Robert Mugabe, and Jacques Chirac to quit worrying and look at Bill Clinton and realize the fate that awaits them is a lucrative lecture tour, a best-selling book, and many willing, plump young women.
(15) Senator Kerry, you say you were in favor of threatening to use force on Saddam Hussein, but that actually using force was wrong. The technical term for this in political science is "bullshit."