Sometimes a story hits so close to home that it's hard to write about it through the haze of bewilderment and dumbfounded rage. This is such a moment.
Probably inspired by the federal government's obesity campaign, a lawsuit has been filed against Nutella. The mother of a 4 year-old was apparently "shocked" to learn the ambrosial hazelnut delight was not health-food, but rather "the next best thing to a candy bar."
1. It isn't the "next best thing to a candy bar." It so far surpasses candy bars as to be humiliated by the comparison.
2. I'm holding a beautiful glass jar o' the creamy goodness at this moment. The back clearly reads: 2 tbsp. = 200 Calories. That's a daily intake of fat in 8 seconds of weakness! How utterly stupid do you have to be...?
3. It's chocolate! How utterly stupid...?
4. An entire continent just across the Atlantic practically raises their kids on the heavenly nectar - and they're half our size (often literally).
5. Speaking of Europe, the first ingredient here in America is sugar, whereas, interestingly, the first ingredient in Germany is cocoa. A reflection on our (4 year old's) tastes....
6. I'll bet anything to anyone that this woman is the personification of a prude...
7. ...who voted for Obama.
8. Somewhere, Michelle Obama is smiling.
9. In a sane world, the debate wouldn't be whether this mother can get money from Nutella for voluntarily feeding it to her kids, but rather whether she is obviously too deranged to raise kids.
10. She'll probably win.