FDA Saves US from Amish Threat
Those dangerous and disorderly Amish were finally brought to justice by the Food and Drug Administration after a federal sting exposed a vile black market operation that the poor souls still trapped in a previous century were engaged in. The contraband that they have been smuggling between Pennsylvania and Maryland is now safely under the control of the Federal Family, and no longer shall we have to worry about the terror coming from Rainbow Acres Farm, as wretched a hive of scum and villainy as Tijuana and Bora Bora. Yes, that's right, the same people who alerted us to the dastardly job-stealing ways of ATMs, who kept us safe by arming criminal cartels with weapons that they could use to overthrow the Mexican government and shoot at border agents with, who gave us nicely-infected trailers after Hurricane Katrina and improved our healthcare by making it more expensive--- they have now come to the rescue once again! The Federal Family has used our tax dollars wisely in a year-long sting operation and subsequently saved us from the terrors of... milk.
Unpasteurized milk, according to the FDA, is capable of carrying harmful bacteria-- much like dirt, most produce, pets, and small children are. Because of this, the federal government has banned interstate sales of raw milk (I think you're still able to bring small children across state lines, though; still awaiting a response from Health and Human Services on that one). The Amish folks at Rainbow Acres in Pennsylvania had dared to sell milk
to people in Maryland who like their food to be au natural
. An even more grievous offense was that they dared to sell the raw milk in jugs without labels. The shame! Thank the god of Bureaucracy that we have the Federal Family
there to be at our side and prevent us from seeking to drink milk that has not been processed. It almost makes you question how humanity got along drinking milk without the FDA for the past several thousand years. Maybe now these Amish types will learn their lesson and plug in an iPod so that they can listen to podcasts of Obama warning them about how the Internet is taking away their jobs and way of life.
11:11 PM / August 31, 2011