First, I suppose that Woody Allen saying that he wants to French kiss his wife sounds better than his saying something like, oh, I don’t know, that he wants to French kiss his former long-time lover Mia Farrow’s adopted daughter Soon Yi, who he allegedly began seeing behind Farrow’s back when Soon Yi was only 17. Suddenly Woody Allen seems the perfect pitch man for France.

While touting this media campaign, French Ambassador Jean-David Levitte stated that "[w]hen you insult the French people, simply because they are French, then it’s a kind of racist campaign." O.K., how bout we insult the French instead for trading with tyrants; moral fecklessness; arrogance; diplomatic tirades; clinging to the past to avoid their impotent present; creating an economy where, by all accounts, striking is the norm and working the exception; WWII; and last but not least, believing that French nationality is a "race."