Strengthening Constitutional Self-Government

No Left Turns


American Civil War Charlie Sheen Bonus Round

Here's my vote for the most creative midterm exam ever, from my friend Nick Proctor at Simpson College:

For my American Civil War midterm, the extra credit was a set of Charlie Sheen quotations. Students could match up to ten of them to appropriate Civil War leaders in particular circumstances. They then had to provide a brief explanation for each match. So, for example, a good answer for #10 would be: "Grant after the fall of Forts Henry and Donalson." Similarly, a good answer for #5 could be "Forrest while raiding in central Tennessee."

  1. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.
  2. I don't sleep; I wait.
  3. "Can't" is the cancer of "happen."
  4. I'm a high priest Vatican warlock.
  5. I have one speed; I have one gear: GO!
  6. They're the best at what they do. I'm the best at what I do, and it is ON!
  7. I think my passion is misinterpreted as anger sometimes. And I don't think people are ready for the message that I'm delivering, and delivering with a sense of violent love.
  8. I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.
  9. That we are to stand by the President right or wrong is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.
  10. I'm bi-winning. I win here. I win there.
  11. Life comes down to a few moments. This is one of them.
  12. Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh.
  13. Fame is empowering. My mistake was that I thought I would instinctively know how to handle it. But there's no manual, no training course.
  14. Here's the good news. If I realize that I'm insane, then I'm okay with it. I'm not dangerous insane.
  15. I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.
I invite NLT contributors to add their favorite pairings in the Comments section.

Categories > History

Discussions - 4 Comments

#14 Stonewall Jackson. Talked crazy, sucked on lemons in battle, walked around with one arm in the air allegedly to keep his balance.

#12 Sherman upon exiting a flame-engulfed Atlanta

#3 Lincoln in an exasperated telegraph to McClellan while the latter piddled on the VA peninsula

You've got to be kidding. Personally, I find comparing the words of a two-bit whore to the battlefield-thoughts of those responsible for sending thousands to their deaths to be, in the words of William Manchester, "so incongruous, so preposterous, that indignation is impossible."

1. Longstreet at Gettysburg day three before Pickett's Charge.
2. George B. McClellan
3. Grant at Vickburg
4. Father William Corby giving absolution to the Irish Brigage at Gettysburg
5. Sherman's March
6. Lee at Chancellorsville
7.Henry Wirz -Commander of Andersonville
8. Major General Dan Sickles at the Peach Orchard
9.Clement Vallandingham
10. Grant is a good loss for another
11. Colonel David Ireland -at Culp's Hill
12. Major Gen. Oliver O. Howard -Cemetary Hill
13. McClellan again...
14. George Custer
15. Alexander Stephans...Cornerstone Speech


No. 7 Sherman on his march to the sea. See Victor David Hanson's "Ripples of Battle".

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